We Can’t Go Over It: What Kindergarten Taught Me About Healing

When I used to teach kindergarten, one of my absolute favorite times of the day was singing, "We’re Going on a Bear Hunt."

The children loved it. We didn't just sing the words; we lived them out. We made it a full-body, dramatic experience. We would stomp our feet for the mud, run in place for the open fields, and dramatically tiptoe when we had to be quiet. We waved our arms through the "tall, wavy grass" and shivered through the "cold river." We acted out every step of the journey, giggling and gasping until we reached the end.

Looking back, I realize that while we were having fun, we were also rehearsing a profound truth about life. Specifically, we were learning the roadmap for healing from the hardships of life and even trauma.

The Obstacles Are Inevitable

In the song, the travelers constantly encounter obstacles. They hit the grass. They hit the mud. They hit the river. And every single time, the chant remains the same:

We can't go over it.

We can't go under it.

We're just gonna have to go through it.

Swish, swish, swish, swish.

As adults, when we decide to go on a healing journey—whether we are healing from complex trauma, unpacking parts of our past, or trying to let go of patterns that no longer serve us—we often try to find a loophole.

We look at the pain and think, "Surely there is a detour." We try to go over it (by intellectualizing our problems). We try to go under it (by avoiding or numbing our feelings). We want to reach the destination of being a "healed" individual without getting our boots muddy.

But the kindergarteners knew better. The only way to get to the other side is to go through.

The Fear of the Unknown

Going "through it" is terrifying. Just like the children tiptoeing through the dark cave in the song, we are often walking into the unknown parts of our own stories. We can't predict what will come up. We don't know how it will feel to finally confront the things that have held us back.

Because we haven't done it before, our nervous system perceives this journey as a threat. We want to run back home and hide under the covers. But if we do that, we stay stuck. We never grow into the individuals we are meant to be.

Don't Go on the Hunt Alone

If there is one thing I learned from those classroom days, it’s that the Bear Hunt was way more fun—and far less scary—because we did it together. We were a pack.

Trauma often tells us to isolate. It tells us to hide our struggles. But to successfully navigate the "swish, swish" of the tall grass, you need a support system. You need to create a team that can walk through the mud with you.

• Trauma-Informed Professionals: Therapists who act as the guide, holding the map when you feel lost.

• Safe Friends and Family: People who have gone on their own hunts and understand that the path isn't a straight line.

• Community: Groups or mentors who remind you that you aren't the only one out here in the woods.

Setting Boundaries for the Journey

Going through the deep work of healing also requires setting boundaries. You can’t carry everyone else's baggage while you are trying to hike through your own mud. Part of the journey is recognizing what you need to carry and what you need to put down so you have the strength to make it through.

The Other Side

If you are standing at the edge of the emotional "river" or "mud" today, feeling scared to take that first step, remember the lesson of the song. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to tiptoe. But don’t turn back.

Gather your people. Check your boundaries. Take a deep breath. We have to go through it.

Swish, swish, swish.

©Lisa King, LPC