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In the heat of a parenting moment—perhaps a toddler meltdown in the frozen food aisle or a teenager slamming a door—our instinct often craves one thing: Obedience.  We want the noise to stop, the behavior to change, and the calm to be restored now. But if we pause to look at the architecture of our parenting, we have to ask ourselves a difficult question: Are we raising children to be compliant, or are we raising them to be respectful? These two concepts are often used interc

Brené Brown once made a distinction that completely changed how I view relationships and community. She said that the opposite of belonging is fitting in. It sounds counterintuitive at first, doesn't it? We often use the words interchangeably. But when you look closer, they are worlds apart. Belonging  means that we get to be who we are, no matter what. Fitting in , however, is the idea that we must scan our environment, look around, and decide who we need to be so that peopl

One of the most invalidating phrases a person can hear during a family conflict is, "That never happened," or "You’re imagining things; Mom and Dad weren’t like that with me." It is a source of immense confusion and pain when siblings—people who lived at the same address, ate at the same table, and share the same DNA—have diametrically opposed memories of their childhood. How can one sibling remember a warm, supportive home while another remembers chaos, neglect, or strict au

We often talk about "seeing someone’s true colors," but we rarely talk about the isolation that follows when you are the only one seeing them. It is the "Wizard of Oz" moment—you have pulled back the curtain and seen the small, scared, or manipulative person operating the machine. You know the Great Wizard is actually an illusion. But in real life, when you pull back the curtain, the audience doesn't gasp in realization. Instead, they often turn on you for ruining the show. T

We often speak of empathy as a virtue, a soft skill that makes the world a kinder place. But for those who identify as "empaths," the reality is often less about kindness and more about survival. If you walk into a room and suddenly feel a wave of anxiety that isn’t yours, or if a friend’s bad mood can derail your entire day, you know that being an empath isn't just a personality trait—it’s a physiological state of being. But here is the critical distinction we often miss: Fe

We have all felt that familiar tightening in the chest when a conversation takes a sudden turn. Someone shares an opinion—political, social, or spiritual—that is diametrically opposed to your own deeply held beliefs. In an ideal world, this would be an opportunity for curiosity. It would be a chance to ask, "Tell me more about why you see it that way." But we don't live in an ideal world; we live in a polarized one. Instead of leaning in, we armor up. We aren't preparing for

Have you ever felt like the world has its volume turned up to eleven, while everyone around you seems to be hearing it at a comfortable five? Do you find yourself deeply moved by music, utterly exhausted by crowded shopping centers, or acutely aware of a slight shift in a friend’s mood before they’ve even spoken a word? For decades, people who experience life this way have been labeled with words that feel like weights: "too sensitive," "overly dramatic," "thin-skinned," or "

There is a specific, suffocating kind of loneliness that happens in a doctor's office. It’s the moment you explain your symptoms—the chronic pain, the fatigue, the disruption in your body—only to have the doctor look at a piece of paper and say, "Everything looks normal." They can’t find a cause on the X-ray. The blood work is within range. And because you do not fit inside their diagnostic box, the unspoken conclusion hangs heavy in the air: There is nothing wrong with your

We have all seen the post. It usually pops up on Facebook or Instagram, written by a parent, a church leader, or a prominent community member. It features a photo of a specific person—a sibling, a friend, or a "loyal" church member—accompanied by a glowing, paragraph-long caption. The caption usually reads something like this: > "So proud of this one! They are fiercely loyal, a true prayer warrior who loves God with all their heart. They never waver, they always put the Lord

If you watch enough movies or listen to enough pop songs, you might start to believe that love is something that happens to you. It’s a spark, a wave of euphoria, a "gut feeling" that lets you know you’ve found "The One." But what happens when the music stops? What happens on a Tuesday morning when you’re exhausted, the kids are screaming, or your partner has annoyed you for the third time before breakfast? When the feeling of closeness or euphoria fades—as all feelings inevi

There is a specific kind of grief that comes with healing, and we don’t talk about it enough. We talk about the breakthroughs, the clarity, and the peace of finding your authentic self. But we rarely discuss the profound loneliness that hits when you take that healed, authentic self back into spaces that haven't changed. You know the feeling. You’ve done the work. You understand your patterns, you’ve cultivated self-compassion, and you genuinely like the person you are becomi

As someone who has experienced religious trauma, emotional trauma, physical trauma, and even medical trauma, I have found that staying focused on the things I have no control over does not keep me on the healing path that I want. One of the ways that has helped me heal—especially from religious trauma—has been to re-examine a lot of the Bible stories and how I was taught them. I’ve started looking at them through a new lens: seeing these characters as people who were similar

When we think of trauma responses—Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn—we often imagine reactions to physical danger. However, the nervous system does not distinguish between a physical threat (like a tiger chasing you) and a psychological or existential threat (like the fear of eternal damnation or ostracization from your community). For survivors of religious trauma or adverse religious experiences, the body often remains in a state of high alert long after leaving the toxic env

If you grew up feeling like you were born into the wrong family, you aren't alone. If you were the one constantly labeled "too sensitive," "rebellious," or "difficult," you might be surprised to learn that these labels often aren't a diagnosis of your character flaws—they are a diagnosis of your family’s systemic dysfunction. In family systems theory, this role is often called the "Identified Patient" or the "Black Sheep." But in the context of healing, there is a more accura

For many, the holidays are marketed as the "most wonderful time of the year." We are bombarded with images of cohesive families gathering around turkeys, candlelight services that promise peace, and an overarching expectation of joy. But for those of us recovering from Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), religious trauma, or dysfunctional family systems, the holidays often feel less like a celebration and more like an emotional minefield. Some of you are dreading the inevitable conflict a

Imagine walking into a church on Sunday morning with a broken leg. You are limping, in visible pain, and using crutches. Now, imagine the pastor greeting you at the door, taking your crutches away, and saying, "You don't need these. You just need to have more faith. Your broken bone is actually a spiritual issue." It sounds absurd, doesn't it? We would never tell a diabetic to put down their insulin and "just pray more." We understand that the pancreas is an organ, and someti

We often associate "abuse" with bruises or shouting. But there is a quieter, insidious form of emotional wounding that happens in living rooms that look perfectly normal from the outside. It occurs in homes governed by high expectations, where love feels conditional on performance, and where a child is subjected to a steady drip of criticism. For the child growing up under the microscope of an overly critical parent, the world is not a safe place to explore; it is a stage whe

In many households, particularly those with high-control dynamics or rigid religious structures, conflict resolution often follows a predictable script. Two children fight, tears are shed, and a parent steps in with a command: “Say you’re sorry. Now, say I forgive you.” It seems like the right thing to do. We want peace. We want our children to be kind. But when we force a child to verbalize forgiveness before they have emotionally processed the hurt, we aren’t teaching them

We often treat "people pleasing" as a personality quirk or a virtue—a sign that someone is just really kind, generous, or easygoing. But if we look under the hood, chronic people pleasing is rarely about altruism. It isn’t just about making others happy. At its core, people pleasing is an addiction to external validation . It is a frantic attempt to fill an internal void because the internal compass—the part of you that knows who you are and what you need—has been silenced. I