When the Labs Are Normal but the Pain is Real: Navigating Medical Gaslighting and the Roots of Trauma

There is a specific, suffocating kind of loneliness that happens in a doctor's office. It’s the moment you explain your symptoms—the chronic pain, the fatigue, the disruption in your body—only to have the doctor look at a piece of paper and say, "Everything looks normal."

They can’t find a cause on the X-ray. The blood work is within range. And because you do not fit inside their diagnostic box, the unspoken conclusion hangs heavy in the air: There is nothing wrong with your body, so there must be something wrong with your head.

Often, this is the moment you are referred to a psychiatrist. While mental health support is crucial, in this context, the referral can feel like a dismissal. It feels like an accusation that you are making it up, that you are "crazy," or that you are simply being difficult.

But you are not crazy. You are not the problem. And you are certainly not alone.

The Missing Link: Trauma and the Body

The reality is that many people are suffering from severe physiological problems that simply do not show up on standard medical labs. This isn't because the pain isn't real; it's because modern Western medicine is largely compartmentalized. Doctors are trained to treat acute symptoms, but very few are trauma-informed.

As Dr. Gabor Maté explains in his groundbreaking book, The Myth of Normal, trauma is not just what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside of you as a result of what happened to you.

When trauma—especially Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)—goes untreated, it creates severe physiological dysregulation. It rewires our nervous system. It keeps us stuck in states of high alert or shutdown. But because a standard medical degree focuses on pathology rather than the nervous system's history, many professionals miss the root cause entirely.

My Journey Through the Medical Maze

My own journey of healing was not a straight line; in fact, the process of seeking help actually caused me secondary trauma.

It began after my first son was born. I started engaging in serious OCD behaviors and suffering from terrifying flashbacks. Memories of my childhood began pouring out, and I couldn't distinguish what was real. I was terrified.

I did what we are supposed to do: I sought help. But instead of finding safety, I found confusion.

I was bounced from specialists to therapists to doctors. I saw a clinical psychologist who misdiagnosed me. Because I was experiencing physical symptoms alongside my distress, I was sent to neurologists and a sleep specialist. I underwent two extensive sleep studies because my sleep was so disrupted that I wasn't experiencing REM cycles.

The sleep specialist’s conclusion? Go see a psychiatrist.

When I finally did, he diagnosed me as Bipolar and prescribed Seroquel. Now, if you are actually Bipolar, these medications can be life-saving. But if you are not Bipolar, they can seriously harm you. And it did. I knew intuitively that the diagnosis didn't fit—while I had depression, the "manic" phases didn't explain my symptoms—but I was told to trust the protocol.

Years later, in 2011, I underwent a hysterectomy because I was passing massive clots that could not be controlled. While the surgery was medically necessary, it highlighted another layer of trauma. Research consistently shows that women with trauma histories often suffer from autoimmune issues, hormonal disorders like PCOS, and reproductive health struggles. When it comes to trauma, our mind may forget, but our body remembers.

The Importance of Being Believed

Through all those years—the misdiagnoses, the sleep studies, the medication that made me worse—what was missing was safety.

When you have experienced trauma, specifically prolonged trauma like C-PTSD, the single most important factor in healing is feeling safe enough to talk about what you are experiencing. Whether it is a doctor, a therapist, or a friend, what we need most is to be believed. We need someone to hold space for us.

For years, I didn't have that. I had professionals going "by the book," looking for codes and categories, rather than tuning in to me as a terrified individual. I experienced the medical gaslighting that Dr. Maté describes—where women are labeled as "dramatic" or "difficult" when their symptoms don't align with the doctor's easy answers.

Finding the Right Team

I have learned that I may never get all the answers I want from the general medical community. However, healing began for me when I found providers who were willing to listen.

I eventually found a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with PTSD (treating the C-PTSD symptoms that the DSM doesn't yet fully acknowledge). He treats me not as a collection of symptoms, but as a person learning to make adjustments to live alongside my difficulties.

I also found a phenomenal pain doctor. Instead of dismissing my theories, he was interested. He was open to learning about complex trauma and how it affects the nervous system. He did his own research. We now have a beautiful, collaborative professional relationship where we work together to manage my nerve issues.

Healing is Possible

If you have been dismissed, gaslighted, or made to feel like "it's all in your head," please hear this: Your pain is real.

The medical community’s lack of education regarding somatic trauma is a systemic failure, not a personal failure of yours.

Healing is not about erasing our trauma. We cannot delete what happened to us. But we can learn to live alongside it. We can learn to regulate our nervous systems and make adjustments that feel right for us.

Never let anyone tell you what you need to be doing if it doesn't feel safe. Safety is always the key. As a trauma survivor and a therapist, I will always do my best to continue to educate, to learn, and to be transparent about my own nightmares and victories.

You are not crazy. You are injured. And healing is attainable.

References & Further Reading

1. Maté, Gabor. (2022). The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture. Avery.

• Discusses the connection between emotional stress, trauma, and physical illness, and the concept of medical gaslighting.

2. Van der Kolk, Bessel. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.

• Foundational text on how trauma is stored in the body and nervous system.

3. Walker, Pete. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Azure Coyote Publishing.

• Reference regarding C-PTSD symptoms and the "4F" trauma responses often misdiagnosed as other disorders.

4. Felitti, V. J., et al. (1998). "Relationship of Childhood Abuse and Household Dysfunction to Many of the Leading Causes of Death in Adults: The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study." American Journal of Preventive Medicine.

• The original study linking childhood trauma to adult physical health conditions, including autoimmune and reproductive issues.