Religious Trauma

The word "toxic" has become a popular catch-all for any difficult relationship, but when it comes to family, clarity is crucial. Not every relative who causes you stress is "toxic." Understanding the distinct differences between immature , unhealthy , and truly toxic  behavior is the key to setting effective boundaries and preserving your peace. Let's break down these categories and the tell-tale signs of each. 1. The Immature Relative: Stuck in Development Immature behavior

Parenting is a profound journey, but navigating the many philosophies can be overwhelming. Understanding the basic models— authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved —is a crucial first step in building a healthy relationship with your child. While all styles have their nuances, one, in particular, carries a significant risk of emotional and psychological harm: Authoritarian Parenting . This blog post explores the different styles and dives into the deep, often

Religious faith often brings comfort and community, but for many, it can also cause deep emotional and physical suffering. Religious trauma is a real and serious issue that affects countless people worldwide. It can lead to mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD, as well as physical symptoms like headaches, digestive problems, and chronic pain. This post explores how certain religious environments, especially those that are high-control, contribute to

Christianity often speaks of a "personal relationship with Christ," a beautiful and intimate concept. Yet, for many, this personal journey becomes anything but. Instead, it's riddled with a barrage of questions that, while cloaked in care and concern, can subtly morph into instruments of fear and control, ultimately leading to deep-seated religious trauma. "Are you a Christian?" "Is the person you're dating a Christian?" "Are you praying regularly?" "Did you have your quiet t

Scroll through any social media feed today, and you'll find a veritable flood of digital sermons. Someone is sharing an impassioned quote, someone else a fiery video, and another a heavily-edited infographic—all proclaiming what you should  be doing, thinking, or believing. They are standing on their virtual soapbox, delivering a powerful message about politics, ethics, health, or social justice. But here’s the million-dollar question: Who are you actually preaching to? The E

People-pleasing. The term itself often conjures images of someone simply wanting others to be happy, perhaps going the extra mile to avoid conflict. But for many, especially those who grew up in certain religious communities, people-pleasing is a far more insidious beast. It's not just about making someone smile; it's a complete and utter denial of the self, a silent dissociation from who you truly are, meticulously crafting a false self you believe everyone wants to see. Thi

”Re-enacting” my motorcycle accident The year was 1989 , and I was a junior at a Christian International boarding school in Taiwan . Our school sat in the country, surrounded by rice paddies, the air thick with dampness and the sound of cicadas. One night, crossing the dark street in front of the school with a friend, my world went from ordinary to chaotic in an instant. One moment I was walking; the next, I was opening my eyes after blacking out on the rough pavement on the

Dear Them, I’m writing this from the vantage point of someone who spent years standing firmly in the “Us”  camp. Growing up, it wasn't always a conscious choice; it was the atmosphere. It was the unspoken covenant of being a missionary kid , a pastor’s kid , attending the sheltered halls of a Christian international school in Taiwan . In that world, Us  meant having the answers. We were the ones with the Bible  curriculum, the spiritual structure, the defined right and wrong.

We all carry "baggage"—stress, unresolved conflicts, or pent-up emotions—that, left unchecked, create a psychological mess. The need to cleanse ourselves, to purge what is toxic, is a fundamental human drive. But what happens when you desperately need that emotional release, yet all your avenues for processing feel contaminated, inadequate, or compromised? It's a chilling modern dilemma: the urgent need for a clean slate, and the utter frustration of finding no clean tools fo

It's supposed to be a place of sanctuary , a community where you can lay down your burdens and find genuine support. Yet, for many, the church environment can morph into something far more difficult: a breeding ground for gossip  and silent, suffocating judgment. The Irony of the Inner Circle You’ve had an honest, painful interaction. Someone close to you—a family member, a trusted friend within the church—has done something that genuinely upset you. Needing to process this h

A devotion  offered, but the heart still yearns, For the primary place  for which my spirit burns. I’ve seen the others, the ministries that gleam, The endless calls that interrupt the dream. I didn't sign up to wait upon the fringe , To gather crumbs where richer meals impinge. To be the afterthought , the candle burning low, While all the brightest praise to other altars flow. The altar of the ministry , it stands so tall, They give their strength, their time, they give the

The words religious abuse  and spiritual abuse  are often used interchangeably, yet both describe a particularly insidious form of mistreatment. It’s an abuse that doesn’t just wound the body or mind, but strikes at the very core of a person’s identity and beliefs. This type of abuse frequently stems from dogmatic, control-oriented religion —a system engineered to dictate not only actions but also thoughts , creating an environment where abuse can flourish unchecked. The Auth

The sun-drenched rice fields of Taiwan  are a landscape etched into my earliest memories. Growing up, I watched a yearly ritual unfold right before my eyes: the tireless work of preparing the ground, the careful planting of seeds, the vigilant tending of the young crop, and finally, the bountiful harvest, with grains of rice laid out to dry right on the streets. This cycle of cultivation and renewal  wasn't just agriculture; it was a profound, visceral lesson. Years later, as

The message of Jesus of Nazareth  was, at its core, a message of restoration  and redemption . Restoration —a beautiful, powerful word—is defined as the act of bringing or binding together, or connecting . It speaks to mending what is broken, healing what is wounded, and uniting what has been scattered. Redemption  is the act of being saved from error or evil, a purchase back to a right relationship. Jesus's life and ministry were the living embodiment of these two concepts.

The concept of forgiveness  sits at the very heart of the Christian faith. It's a profound, powerful idea, exemplified by Christ's sacrifice and His teachings. But what does it really mean to forgive, especially when the wounds are deep and the hurt is ongoing? In many church communities, the expectation of forgiveness is often simplified into a two-step process: acknowledging the wrong and immediately moving past it . You are often expected to set aside the pain, embrace the

In a world that often encourages us to present a polished, perfect facade, it’s easy to feel utterly alone in our struggles. We scroll past curated images of success and happiness, making us feel like an outlier, the only one wrestling with the messy reality of life. But what if the very act of struggling is actually the most profound bridge  to true human connection? What if a sacred space  isn’t found only in a cathedral or on a mountaintop, but right here, in the vulnerabl

This is not a post to shame anyone who finds comfort, community, or meaning within the walls of a church. If your faith tradition nurtures your spirit and empowers you to be a kinder human, I genuinely celebrate that. This is simply my story—a story of courage, clarity, and the freedom  my husband, my two boys, and I found when we finally walked away from the modern institutional church. We didn't leave because we lost our faith. We left because the institution itself began t

Trauma fundamentally changes our architecture. It convinces us that the world is a dangerous place, and our only hope is to become impenetrable. So, we build a wall—a towering, silent fortress of protection, avoidance, and emotional distance . This wall, built rock by painful rock, seems necessary. It guards the fragile, hurt person inside. But over time, it becomes less a sanctuary and more a prison, keeping out not just pain, but also connection, intimacy, and the beautiful

It’s a phrase almost every child has heard: "Now, be on your best behavior!" Uttered by parents, grandparents, teachers, or even in religious settings, it’s usually delivered with the best of intentions. The adult wants the child to be polite, respectful, and cooperative, especially in certain settings. But what if this seemingly innocuous directive, repeated over years, subtly instills a deep-seated anxiety and a feeling of constant scrutiny in young minds? The Constant Spot

For many, faith is a source of strength, community, and comfort. Yet, in a distressing number of cases, religious or spiritual beliefs are twisted and weaponized to exert control, cause fear, and inflict deep emotional damage. This is religious abuse, a profound trauma that can occur within relationships, families, or entire spiritual communities. Religious abuse is often subtle, cloaked in spiritual language, making it incredibly difficult to recognize and even harder to lea