Are You Stuck on the Spin Cycle? How to Get Your Emotions Out of Overdrive

Have you ever felt like your internal emotional world is stuck in the frantic, out-of-control spin cycle of a washing machine? That feeling of being violently agitated, dizzy, and completely at the mercy of forces you can’t stop—that’s often what emotional dysregulation feels like.

Emotional dysregulation is the difficulty in managing the intensity and duration of your emotional responses. Instead of smoothly moving through a range of feelings, you get stuck in high gear. But just as a washing machine has different cycles for different needs, our emotional life benefits from learning to choose the right setting.

Let’s look at how the laundry machine of life can mirror a dysregulated emotional state, and, more importantly, how you can take back control of the dial.

Emotional Dysregulation: A Cycle You Can’t Control

When you are emotionally dysregulated, your feelings don’t follow a gentle, measured program; they blast through on the most extreme settings:

• The “Heavy Duty” Cycle (Intense Emotions): This is when a minor inconvenience sends you into a full-blown crisis of rage or despair. Like a “heavy duty” wash, your emotional response is disproportionate to the “soil level” of the situation. You’re using maximum power for a small stain, leaving you and those around you exhausted.

• The Agitator Phase (Ruminating Thoughts): When your mind is stuck agitating an event, you replay a hurtful comment or a difficult situation over and over. Instead of letting the thought rinse away, you keep churning it up, increasing the emotional friction until the feeling is magnified.

• The Extreme Temperature Setting (Physical Symptoms): Emotional dysregulation often manifests physically. Your emotions crank up the “temperature,” leading to a rapidly increasing heart rate, tension in your chest and shoulders, a hot flush of anger, or a deep chill of panic. You are literally being tossed around by your body’s intense physical response.

• Stuck on “Permanent Press” (Inflexible Responses): You react to every situation with the same high-intensity distress, regardless of what’s happening. A slight criticism gets the same overwhelming reaction as a major betrayal. You are emotionally rigid and unable to adjust your response.

The ultimate feeling is being on the Spin Cycle—a blinding, chaotic rush where everything is a blur, and all you can do is hold on until the machine finally clanks to a stop, leaving you feeling wrung out and completely drained.

Mastering Your Emotional “Washing Machine”

Emotional regulation is the skill of intentionally choosing the correct cycle for the emotional load you are carrying. It’s about becoming the operator, not the garment being tossed around. This is a skill you can learn and improve, one setting at a time.

Phase 1: Self-Awareness (Identify the “Load”)

Before you can choose a cycle, you have to know what you’re putting in the machine.

1. Stop and Pause: The very first step is to create a moment of space between the trigger and your reaction. When you feel the agitation starting, pause and take a deep, slow breath. This intentional stop is your way of interrupting the automatic program.

2. Name the Emotion: Ask yourself: “What am I actually feeling?” Move beyond “mad” or “bad.” Is it anger, sadness, anxiety, shame, or fear? Labeling the emotion helps you observe it rather than becoming it. This brings the “load” out of the violent spin cycle and into the light.

3. Tune Into Your Body: Where are you feeling this emotion? Is your stomach clenching? Are your hands shaking? Noticing your physical signs (temperature check) can alert you that the emotion is escalating before it becomes overwhelming.

Phase 2: Regulation (Choose the “Cycle”)

Once you know what you’re dealing with, you can consciously choose a coping strategy—your emotional regulation “program”—to match the situation’s true needs.

• Emotional Scenario: High Intensity/Distress (Rage, Panic) – The “Spin Cycle is On”

  
  

  Regulation Technique: Grounding & Breathing: Use slow, deep, diaphragmatic breathing to calm your nervous system. Try a grounding technique like the 5-4-3-2-1 method (name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste) to pull your attention into the present moment.

  
  

• Negative Thoughts (Rumination, Guilt) – Stuck in the “Agitator” phase.

  
  

  Cognitive Reappraisal: Change your perspective. Instead of seeing a setback as a “catastrophe,” see it as a “learning opportunity.” Reframe negative self-talk.

  
  

• Overwhelming Stress/Fatigue (Self-care deficit) – The “Water Level” is too low

  
  

  Self-care and Vulnerability Reduction: Ensure you are getting adequate sleep, nutrition and exercise. Address these basic needs to reduce your overall emotional vulnerability.

• Minor Annoyance (Friction): A slight “Soil level” issue

  
  

  Acceptance: Acknowledge the feeling without judgment. Tell yourself, “It’s okay to feel frustrated right now. This feeling will pass.” Don’t fight the feeling; accept it like a passing cloud.

  
  

• Triggering Environment: Situation selection (Knowing when to pause or remove yourself)

  
  

  Take a Break: Remove Yourself from the situation that is triggering the intense emotion. Step outside, go for a quick walk, or just count to 100 before responding.

The Final Rinse: Cultivating Self-Compassion

Remember, you are not a machine. You are a person learning a complex, lifelong skill. When you struggle and feel the spin cycle start up again, practice Self-Compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a struggling friend.

By committing to these intentional steps, you can move from being violently spun by your emotions to calmly operating the controls, ensuring your emotional life runs on the appropriate, healthy, and restorative cycle.

©Lisa King, MS, LPC, NCC