Beyond the Resume: Reclaiming Your Identity as a Human Being

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. You’re at a party, a work function, or maybe a friend's casual gathering. You meet someone new, you shake hands, and the inevitable question is asked: "So, what do you do?"

It’s an innocent, ubiquitous question, yet it’s a tiny example of a huge cultural problem. We are human beings, but we are often forced—by society and by our own internal wiring—to live as human doings.

The Cult of Accomplishment

Think about how we describe ourselves. It's almost always a list of external facts: "I'm a lawyer," "I'm a stay-at-home parent," "I'm a marathon runner," or "I'm married with two kids." We define our selves by our roles, our jobs, and our achievements.

Society reinforces this constantly. When a journalist interviews a high-profile person, they don’t ask, "Tell me about your core values." They ask, "How did you achieve that success?" "What's the secret to your company's growth?" "What are your future goals?" We’re interested in the product, not the person.

Imagine the radical shift if, upon meeting someone for the first time, you asked, "Tell me who you are."

A truly honest answer might sound like this: “I am a curious, sometimes anxious, fiercely loyal person with a deep love for old movies and a desire to be more present.” This is an answer of substance. It's an opening for a real conversation. Instead, we settle for the superficial—the job title, the marital status—and then wonder why deep, authentic connections feel so elusive.

The Runaway Bride and the Egg Problem

This struggle for identity is perfectly illustrated in the classic movie, Runaway Bride. Julia Roberts plays Maggie Carpenter, a woman notorious for running away from her fiancés right at the altar. As Richard Gere’s character, a journalist, investigates her story, he makes a fascinating realization: Maggie has completely lost her identity within each relationship. Whatever the man liked, she liked. Whatever he did, she did. She had become a mirror, a classic example of codependency, where her sense of self was entirely dependent on the person she was with.

The ultimate breakthrough comes with a simple question: "How do you like your eggs?" The journalist realizes that in every relationship, Maggie eats her eggs exactly the way her current fiancé does. Poached for one, scrambled for another. She simply doesn't know what she likes.

Her journey of self-discovery doesn't end with a marriage; it ends when she finally figures out her own true preference. In a charming, silly scene, she tastes every kind of egg and discovers she loves Eggs Benedict. It’s a small, funny detail, but it’s profoundly important. It represents a single, self-defined truth.

The First Step to Authentic Being

The lesson isn't about breakfast food; it's about self-knowledge. You can't be an authentic human being in the world until you first know who that being is.

The challenge we face is asking ourselves, and genuinely answering: Can I tell people who I am without telling them what I do?

This is an inward journey. It requires stepping away from the metrics of success that society has handed us and doing the hard, beautiful work of self-exploration.

• What are your unwavering values?

• What makes you feel alive?

• What brings you joy when no one is watching?

• If you had to choose a “favorite egg,” what would it be?

Investing in this self-discovery isn't selfish; it's necessary. It allows you to become the best, most authentic version of yourself. And when you show up as you—not your job, not your achievements, not a reflection of your partner—you finally give yourself and those around you the opportunity for the deeper, more meaningful connection you truly crave.

It's time to stop doing and start being.

©Lisa King, MS, LPC, NCC