Born Free: Reclaiming the Spirit the World Tried to Tame

Trigger warning for individuals who have experienced physical abuse: please be advised. There is talk about corporal punishment in this article.

There is an old song called Born Free (1966) and the lyrics open with a promise that feels almost ancient in its truth:

Born free,

As free as the wind blows

As free as the grass grows

Born free to follow your heart.

All of us enter this world under that banner. We are born free. We arrive with a distinct personality already intact—a unique blueprint of who we are. We are born with a specific temperament. Some babies crave warmth, while others prefer the cool air. Some settle easily into deep sleep, while others seem determined to never miss a moment of wakefulness. Some babies need constant physical touch, while others set limits on their hugs early on.

We are born free. But, as I read somewhere once, we are free until the world gets its hands on us.

And then, something happens.

When the World Steps In

The shift from freedom to conformity depends heavily on who gets their hands on us, how often, and for how long. It is a delicate calculus of development. If there is dysfunction or trauma, the intensity and duration of those experiences shape us. Conversely, the number of healthy, protective influences we have can buffer us.

All these variables dictate how our development takes shape and, ultimately, who we end up becoming. The tragedy is that the person we become is not always the person we were meant to be. For many of us, survival meant creating a gap between our authentic self and the self we presented to the world.

The "Strong-Willed" Child

I know this territory well because I was born a free spirit. From the beginning, I was determined, strong-willed, and passionate. I was loud at times. I loved to laugh, I loved to travel, and I loved people—though, in my later years, I learned the hard way that it has to be the right kind of people. I was born a natural empath, deeply feeling for those around me.

However, I was raised in a structured, rigid environment. There were incredibly high expectations surrounding how you were supposed to look, how you were supposed to act, and who you were supposed to be. In that environment, my natural volume, my passion, and my determination were often viewed as things to be contained rather than nurtured. I felt, many times, that I had to hide myself to be accepted.

I vividly remember Dr. James Dobson’s book, ‘The Strong-Willed Child’ front and center on a bookshelf in our home growing up. No one had to tell me that the book was in the house because of me. I knew.

Dr. Dobson’s approach did significant harm to generations of children born with fire in their bellies. He was a proponent of "breaking the will" of a child, going so far as to compare raising a human being to training a dog. He viewed the spirited nature of a child not as a gift, but as a challenge to authority that had to be extinguished.

In his 1980’s version of ‘The Strong-Willed Child (which has since been updated), he wrote, “For just as a dog will challenge authority, so too will a small child - only more so. Whenever a child resists authority, some physical pain–a swat or lash with a switch or a belt—is in order. The entire human race, you see, is afflicted with a tendency toward willful behavior,” Dobson says. “Adam and Eve had it. You and I have it. Our children have it. Which puts our children’s very souls at risk. The child who fails to submit to his parents “leadership” will surely fail to yield to God’s formidable will as an adult,” Dobson reasons.

You would think that after 30 years of psychological advancement in childhood development, Dr. Dobson would have changed his views on corporal punishment, but his stance remained the same - up until his recent death. During a screening at the Religion Newswriters Association, a video from his early days revealed just how physical his approach to 'breaking the will' actually was.

In the video footage, he cheerfully instructs parents on how to handle a defiant toddler: by gripping the child’s trapezius muscle and squeezing it. He explains that if you squeeze that specific muscle hard enough, the child effectively crumples to the floor. It is a method of using physical pain to force immediate submission—a tactic that teaches fear, not respect."

Needless to say, I am not a fan of Dr. Dobson. Because you cannot break a child’s will without also breaking a piece of their spirit.

Lightning in a Bottle

So, let’s go back to the beginning. Let's go back to the Born Free thing. If you are reading this and you identify as a free spirit—if you are someone who needs to roam wild, free, and semi-untamed—this message is for you.

The world may have tried to make you smaller. It may have tried to quiet your laugh or dull your determination. But those traits were never defects; they were your superpowers.

You are magic.

You are lightning in a bottle.

You were made for something great.

It is time to stop hiding the parts of yourself that were deemed "too much." Harness that free spirit. Embrace your strong will. Reclaim your assertiveness, your loud laugh, and your outspoken nature.

The world doesn't need more compliant, broken wills. The world needs people who are free enough to follow their hearts and brave enough to change things for the better.

You were born free. It is time to live that way again.

References & Further Reading: The Impact of Authoritarian Control

For those interested in the psychological impact of high-control, authoritarian parenting (often advocated by figures like Dr. Dobson) versus authoritative or supportive parenting, the following concepts and studies highlight the risks of "breaking the will."

1. The Authoritarian Parenting Style (Diana Baumrind)

Psychologist Diana Baumrind identified the "Authoritarian" parenting style as one characterized by high demands and low responsiveness. Children raised in these environments often perform well regarding obedience but rank lower in happiness, social competence, and self-esteem.

• Reference: Baumrind, D. (1991). "The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use." Journal of Early Adolescence.

2. Psychological Control and Internalizing Problems

Research distinguishes between behavioral control (setting rules) and psychological control (intrusiveness, guilt induction, and invalidating feelings). High levels of psychological control—common in rigid, dogmatic environments—are strongly linked to internalizing disorders such as anxiety, depression, and withdrawn behavior.

• Reference: Barber, B. K. (1996). "Parental psychological control: Revisiting a neglected construct." Child Development.

3. The "True Self" vs. The "False Self" (Alice Miller)

Psychoanalyst Alice Miller wrote extensively on the damage done when a child is forced to suppress their authentic feelings to serve the parents' needs or expectations (often disguised as discipline). She argued that "training" a child to be compliant often results in the loss of the "true self" and the development of a "false self" to ensure survival and affection.

• Reference: Miller, A. (1979). The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self.

4. The Long-Term Effects of Corporal Punishment and Strict Discipline

Modern meta-analyses of decades of research have shown that physical discipline and harsh corrective tactics (often associated with the "breaking the will" philosophy) are associated with increased antisocial behavior, aggression, and mental health problems in adulthood, rather than improved character or obedience.

• Reference: Gershoff, E. T., & Grogan-Kaylor, A. (2016). "Spanking and child outcomes: Old controversies and new meta-analyses." Journal of Family Psychology.

©Lisa King, LPC