That Volcano Reaction to a Tiny Spark: Understanding Emotional Triggers

Have you ever had an emotional reaction that felt like a volcano erupting over what seemed like just a tiny spark? You find yourself feeling overwhelmingly angry, deeply sad, or intensely anxious, and the logical part of your brain is shouting, "Wait, this small situation does not warrant this huge feeling!"

If so, you're not alone. That gap between the size of the event and the size of your reaction is often the flashing sign of an emotional trigger.

The Dry Cleaner Catalyst

I remember a moment like this vividly from the '90s, before I had ever done any kind of work on myself. Having grown up overseas, I was still relatively new to life back in the States, and my life had been characterized by constant goodbyes, moves, and letting go of things and people I cared about.

One day, I went to pick up clothes from the dry cleaner. I handed over my ticket, and my favorite outfit was missing. When I asked about it, the staff simply brushed it off, saying, "Sometimes things get lost," and finally admitted they had looked and couldn't find it.

What happened next was an emotional explosion. I became almost rageful, yelling at them about their negligence. I was so upset I couldn't control myself. My future husband, who was with me, had to step in and calm me down so we could leave. At the time, I truly thought my rage was just because I loved that outfit so much. But that reaction was too big, too out of control, for a piece of clothing.

More Than Just a Missing Shirt: What Triggers Really Are

Years later, through therapy and self-growth, I understood what had really happened: I was intensely triggered.

The missing outfit wasn't just a loss of fabric; it was a powerful, subconscious representation of a much larger, painful theme in my life. It tapped into a core belief that everything I really loved was always taken away from me—a theme established by years of constant moves, goodbyes, and giving up cherished items and friendships.

An emotional trigger is essentially something in the present—a comment, an event, a smell, a sound—that unconsciously hooks into a past experience or unhealed trauma. It’s like an old wound that hasn't fully closed. When the trigger touches it, the pain of the original wound is felt in the present moment, causing an outsized response.

This is why a seemingly small slight from a co-worker can lead to tears, or a minor frustration with a partner can turn into a massive argument. The present event is just the catalyst for a past feeling.

The Path from Reaction to Response

The good news is that these big, unexpected reactions are actually growth opportunities. They're not signs that we're "crazy" or "too emotional." They're signals from our inner selves begging for attention.

The key is to shift from judgment to curiosity when a trigger hits.

1. Spot the Signal: Acknowledge when your emotional reaction is much bigger than the situation calls for. That disproportionate feeling is your first clue.

2. Check In, Don't Shame: Instead of being hard on yourself or asking, "Why am I so angry/sad/etc.?", try asking, "Why am I feeling like this right now?" or "What does this feeling remind me of?" This is the compassionate, non-judgmental moment where you connect with yourself.

3. Choose Your Movement (Respond): When you take a moment to pause and ask those questions, you create a tiny bit of space between the trigger and your action.

• Reaction is automatic, often uncontrolled, and usually fueled by past pain (e.g., yelling at the dry cleaner).

• Response is thoughtful, intentional, and chosen in the present moment. You decide how you move forward in the interaction.

Learning to recognize your triggers isn't about perfectly controlling your emotions—you'll still feel them! It’s about understanding the root of the feeling so you can respond to the present situation with clarity, rather than letting the pain of the past react on your behalf.

What's a recent emotional moment where your reaction felt bigger than the event? If you can identify it, that's a powerful first step toward growth.

©Lisa King, MS, LPC, NCC