The Invisible Wound: Why Trauma Is Not What Happened to You

There is a quote by Dr. Gabor Maté that often stops people in their tracks during therapy:

“Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”

For years, we have collectively defined trauma by the magnitude of the event. We look for the car crash, the war zone, the assault, or the natural disaster. If we can’t find a "Big T" event in our history, we often invalidate our own pain. We tell ourselves we are just being dramatic or sensitive. But Maté’s distinction changes everything. It shifts the focus from the external event to the internal wound.

Trauma is the disconnection from the self. It is the physiological imprint left on your nervous system when you experience fear, helplessness, or overwhelming stress without a supportive presence to help you metabolize it. It is the lasting change in how you view the world—not because you want to view it that way, but because your body has decided it is the only way to keep you safe.

When we view trauma through this lens, we realize that many "normal" life events can create profound internal shifts. Here is how specific, often overlooked situations can manifest as classic trauma responses.

1. Hyperarousal: The Body That Cannot Settle

The Symptom: You feel perpetually "switched on." Your heart rate is easily elevated, you have difficulty sleeping, you are irritable, and you react explosively to minor inconveniences.

The Overlooked Cause: Early Medical Intervention or Sensory Overwhelm

Most people don’t consider medical procedures in childhood as trauma, especially if they were necessary to save a life or improve health. However, consider a child who had to undergo repeated surgeries, extensive dental work, or stay in a NICU. To a child’s nervous system, this is an invasion they cannot escape, often involving being held down (restraint).

Even without medical issues, growing up in a chaotic, loud environment—such as a house under constant renovation or living in a neighborhood with high noise pollution—can keep a child’s nervous system in a permanent state of "high alert."

• The Result: The body learns that rest is dangerous. As an adult, you might find it impossible to sit and watch a movie without shaking your leg or checking your phone, because stillness feels like vulnerability.

2. Hypervigilance: The Scanner

The Symptom: You are constantly scanning the room for shifts in mood. You are an expert at reading micro-expressions. You know someone is angry by the way they put their keys on the counter. You anticipate danger before it arrives.

The Overlooked Cause: The "Walking on Eggshells" Dynamic

This doesn’t require physical abuse. This often stems from growing up with a parent who was emotionally immature, had undiagnosed mental health issues, or struggled with addiction (even "functioning" addiction).

Specifically, consider the unpredictable parent. One day, a spilled glass of milk is met with laughter; the next day, it is met with screaming. Because the rules of safety changed daily, you had to become a detective. You learned to listen to the cadence of footsteps to determine if it was a "safe" day or a "danger" day.

• The Result: Your brain treats social interactions as potential threats. You might exhaust yourself in relationships because you are constantly managing the other person’s emotions to ensure your own safety.

3. Black-and-White Thinking: The Safety of Absolutes

The Symptom: You struggle with nuance. People are either all good or all bad. You are either a success or a total failure. One mistake feels like it unravels your entire identity.

The Overlooked Cause: High-Control Religious or Academic Environments

We often associate trauma with chaos, but it can also come from rigid perfectionism. Consider a child raised in a high-control religious group or an intensely competitive academic environment where love and acceptance were conditional.

In these environments, there is no room for error. Being "good" means following the rules perfectly; being "bad" means risking eternal separation or total social ostracization. The brain adapts by categorizing everything into safe/unsafe or good/evil because nuance was too risky.

• The Result: As an adult, you may struggle with cognitive flexibility. If a friend cancels dinner, your brain might jump immediately to "They hate me," because you were trained that small deviations have catastrophic consequences.

4. Chronic Stress: The Slow Erosion

The Symptom: Fatigue, digestive issues, brain fog, and a feeling of hopelessness or "stuckness" (functional freeze).

The Overlooked Cause: Sudden Financial Instability or Loss of Community

We often overlook the trauma of scarcity. Losing a job, a sudden foreclosure, or a period of food insecurity can be deeply traumatic. It attacks our primal need for shelter and sustenance.

Similarly, a sudden move during adolescence (loss of community) where a child goes from being known and safe to being an outsider can cause a rupture in the sense of self. The chronic stress of trying to "fit in" or hide poverty creates a sustained release of cortisol that wears down the immune system over time.

• The Result: You might find yourself hoarding resources, overworking to the point of burnout, or terrified of spending money, even when you are financially secure. Your body is still living in the winter of scarcity.

The Good News

If trauma is what happens inside you, that means the healing also happens inside you.

Dr. Maté’s definition is ultimately empowering. If the trauma was just the event, we would be helpless, because we cannot change the past. But because the trauma is the wound, and the wound is living in our bodies right now, we can tend to it.

We can teach the hypervigilant brain that it is safe to stop scanning. We can teach the black-and-white thinker that it is safe to live in the gray. We can show the hyperaroused nervous system that it is safe to exhale.

It starts by acknowledging that your reaction is not a character flaw. It was a brilliant survival strategy for an environment you no longer inhabit.

©Lisa King, LPC