Why Did I Just Snap? Understanding Emotional Flashbacks (It’s Not a Mood Swing)

Why do I suddenly feel enraged, terrified, or worthless over something small? Am I bipolar? Am I crazy?

The Short Answer:

If you have a history of Complex Trauma (CPTSD), you likely aren't having a mood swing; you are having an Emotional Flashback. Unlike a standard PTSD flashback (where you see the trauma), an emotional flashback is a sudden regression to the feeling states of your childhood—fear, shame, or helplessness—without the visual memory attached. You aren't "overreacting" to the present; you are reacting to the past.

The Anatomy of a "Snap"

We’ve all been there. You are having a normal Tuesday. You’re unloading the dishwasher. Your partner walks in and says, "Hey, did you forget to pay the electric bill?"

Suddenly, your chest tightens. Your hands shake. You feel a wave of white-hot rage, or perhaps an urge to curl up in a ball and weep. You scream, "Why do you always criticize me?!" or you shut down completely for three hours.

Later, you feel confused and ashamed. It was just a bill. Why did I lose it?

In the world of Complex Trauma (especially for Third Culture Kids or those from high-control religions), this is what author Pete Walker calls an Emotional Flashback.

Flashback vs. Memory: What’s the Difference?

Most people think a "flashback" looks like a movie scene: a soldier hearing a car backfire and thinking he is back in combat. That is a visual flashback.

Emotional Flashbacks are different. They are somatic (body-based).

• Visual Flashback: You see the burning building or the abuser's face. You know you are remembering something.

• Emotional Flashback: You do not "see" anything. You just feel small. You feel the exact same terror, shame, or hopelessness you felt when you were 8 years old, but your brain tricks you into thinking it is caused by the current situation (the electric bill).

Signs You Are in an Emotional Flashback

How do you know if it’s a flashback or just a bad day? Look for the "Age Regression" factor.

1. You feel small. You don't feel like a capable adult. You feel like a scolded child who is in trouble.

2. The reaction doesn't match the trigger. If you drop a glass of milk and feel a level 10 panic (like the world is ending), that is a flashback. The milk is the trigger; the panic is the memory.

3. Toxic Shame. You don't just feel like you made a mistake; you feel like you are a mistake.

4. All-or-Nothing Thinking. You suddenly feel like, "My partner hates me," "I am a failure," or "I will never be safe."

Why This Happens to TCKs and Religious Trauma Survivors

If you grew up in a high-control environment (like a strict religious home or a boarding school), you learned that making a mistake was dangerous.

• For the TCK: Being "different" or not knowing the rules meant social exile.

• For the Religious Kid: "Sinning" meant eternal separation from God or disappointing your parents.

So today, when you make a mistake (like forgetting a bill), your nervous system doesn't say, "Oops." It says, "DANGER. You are about to be exiled/punished."

How to "Come Back" to the Room (Grounding)

You cannot "think" your way out of a flashback because your frontal lobe (the thinking brain) has gone offline. You have to sense your way out.

1. Say it out loud: "I am having a flashback."

Naming it breaks the spell. It reminds you that this is a memory, not your current reality.

2. Check the date.

Look at your phone. Remind yourself: "I am [Age] years old. I am living in [Current City]. I am not in [Past Place] anymore."

3. Feel your feet.

Push your heels into the floor. Wiggle your toes. This signals to your amygdala that you are physically present in a safe room.

4. The "Safe Adult" Visualization.

Imagine your current adult self stepping in to protect the child version of you who is scared. Tell that inner child: "I’ve got this. We can handle a late bill. No one is going to yell at us."

Conclusion: You Are Not Broken

The next time you "snap," try to replace the shame with curiosity. You aren't crazy. You are a survivor whose body is trying to protect you from a danger that no longer exists. The work of healing isn't about never having a flashback again; it's about recognizing them sooner so you can be kind to yourself when they happen.

References & Further Reading

• "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker – The essential guide to understanding emotional flashbacks.

• "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk – How trauma is stored in our physical bodies.

©Lisa King, LPC