The Uncomfortable Freedom of Direct Communication

The truth, as the saying goes, will set you free. But as many of us know, it’s often easier to build a cozy little prison out of assumptions than to step into the uncomfortable, often harsh light of clarity.

In a world that frequently rewards keeping the peace, many of us grew up without a healthy model for conflict. For me, like many others, I was raised with an avoidance of confrontation, which meant I wasn't equipped for it. I had to learn the hard way—through years of personal growth, therapy, and healing—that avoidance is not discernment, and silence is not strength. The path of least resistance is often the one that skirts around the source of the issue.

The Trap of the Narrative

The opposite of direct communication isn't just silence; it's circumvention. Instead of going directly to the person involved and asking for the facts, we often choose to go to everyone but them. We shop our story around, seeking validation and building a narrative we can control. This approach often has less to do with seeking the truth and everything to do with protecting our comfort.

Why do we do this? Because it’s easier to create a story than to get the facts. This method allows us to bypass the hard work of accountability. When you choose to live in your own little world, you can act like everybody else is the problem. Your crafted narrative lets you maintain a position of certainty without ever having to face a truth that might challenge your perspective or require you to change.

When we avoid the source, we create a vacuum that is instantly filled with assumptions.

• Assumptions are shared fear.

• Assumptions are projections.

• Assumptions equate to finding comfort in our own, carefully curated version of the truth.

The truth can be scary. It may not be what we want to hear. And often, it's easier to choose the immediate comfort of our assumption over the difficult, long-term freedom of clarity. A common phrase used (taken from the Bible) is, “the truth will set you free.” It does not say "assumptions will set you free." It doesn't say "projections will set you free." Freedom is in the asking, not in the assuming.

The Difference Between Intuition and Insecurity

A major hurdle to direct communication is confusing our gut feeling with our anxiety. It’s vital to recognize the difference between intuition and insecurity.

Insecurity is loud, frantic fear, often driven by past traumas or anxieties. It gives you a detailed story you can obsess over and use to justify avoidance. It tells you, "Don't ask, because you won't like the answer," keeping you married to your assumptions. When we are married to our assumptions, we are not obligated to do the hard work of seeking clarity.

Intuition, on the other hand, is a quiet, calm knowing that is centered and steady. It’s a tool for discernment. It whispers, "Something here is worth exploring," and gives you clarity on an action you need to take. True intuition doesn't prompt you to assume the worst and retreat; it prompts you to ask a clarifying question and set a boundary.

The distinction is key: discernment leads to asking; silence and avoidance lead to assumptions. If you don't ask and choose silence, that is avoidance, not discernment.

The Path to Freedom

Embracing direct communication is a muscle you have to build. It means accepting that the moment you decide to ask a direct, open-ended question is the moment you choose freedom over fear.

The person who seeks the truth is the one willing to risk hearing an answer they don't like. But by doing so, you free yourself from the exhausting, isolated work of managing a fabricated story. You stop fighting shadows and start dealing with reality.

The uncomfortable freedom of the truth is always better than the suffocating comfort of the lie.

©Lisa King, MS, LPC, NCC