Trauma

It's a familiar scene in many homes, perhaps especially within some conservative religious circles: a child, unyielding in their desire for a particular toy, or refusing to sit still during a long sermon. The adult response, often steeped in generations of tradition, can be swift and firm: "That's selfish behavior," or "Their will needs to be broken." The underlying belief is that children are inherently rebellious, born with a "sinful nature" that manifests as self-centeredn

The word "toxic" has become a popular catch-all for any difficult relationship, but when it comes to family, clarity is crucial. Not every relative who causes you stress is "toxic." Understanding the distinct differences between immature , unhealthy , and truly toxic  behavior is the key to setting effective boundaries and preserving your peace. Let's break down these categories and the tell-tale signs of each. 1. The Immature Relative: Stuck in Development Immature behavior

Parenting is a profound journey, but navigating the many philosophies can be overwhelming. Understanding the basic models— authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved —is a crucial first step in building a healthy relationship with your child. While all styles have their nuances, one, in particular, carries a significant risk of emotional and psychological harm: Authoritarian Parenting . This blog post explores the different styles and dives into the deep, often

In 2011, I believed a partial hysterectomy would be the turning point in a long struggle with debilitating symptoms: crushing fatigue, persistent swelling, unexplained pain, rashes, and disruptive gastrointestinal issues, often accompanied by nausea. I imagined a future free from these burdens. Instead, my symptoms intensified, catapulting me into a medical odyssey that would span years and unveil a profound connection between my physical ailments and a history of unaddressed

It's a common feeling, isn't it? That internal tug-of-war where you're trying to make space for your own life, your own needs, and your own identity, only to find that someone else's presence or demands are taking up all the room. We all crave connection, but true connection requires mutual consideration—a genuine understanding that others have their own "stuff" they need to carry, too. The Burden of Emotional Immaturity The struggle often stems from a place of emotional imma

”Re-enacting” my motorcycle accident The year was 1989 , and I was a junior at a Christian International boarding school in Taiwan . Our school sat in the country, surrounded by rice paddies, the air thick with dampness and the sound of cicadas. One night, crossing the dark street in front of the school with a friend, my world went from ordinary to chaotic in an instant. One moment I was walking; the next, I was opening my eyes after blacking out on the rough pavement on the

Dear Them, I’m writing this from the vantage point of someone who spent years standing firmly in the “Us”  camp. Growing up, it wasn't always a conscious choice; it was the atmosphere. It was the unspoken covenant of being a missionary kid , a pastor’s kid , attending the sheltered halls of a Christian international school in Taiwan . In that world, Us  meant having the answers. We were the ones with the Bible  curriculum, the spiritual structure, the defined right and wrong.

We all carry "baggage"—stress, unresolved conflicts, or pent-up emotions—that, left unchecked, create a psychological mess. The need to cleanse ourselves, to purge what is toxic, is a fundamental human drive. But what happens when you desperately need that emotional release, yet all your avenues for processing feel contaminated, inadequate, or compromised? It's a chilling modern dilemma: the urgent need for a clean slate, and the utter frustration of finding no clean tools fo

Trauma healing is often portrayed as a linear journey—a clear path from woundedness to wholeness. But the reality is far more complex, especially when the people who hurt us are still a part of our lives, or still exhibit the very behaviors that caused the pain in the first place. This is where the true isolation of healing sets in. You’ve done the hard work. You’ve processed the pain, acknowledged the wound, and maybe even had the difficult conversations. You may have even r

We live in a world obsessed with speed and convenience . From same-day delivery to instant answers, we've been conditioned to expect quick fixes for everything—even the deep, intricate work of trauma healing . If you've ever started on the path to recovering from past trauma, you know the all-too-common refrain: “Why can’t you just get over it? It’s in the past.”   This sentiment, often spoken with good intentions, completely misses the mark on what trauma is and how the huma

Loving someone with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)  is a profound act of dedication. When that person is also navigating the challenges of substance use , the path can feel overwhelming, complex, and deeply exhausting. As a loving supporter, your well-being is not a luxury—it’s the foundation for your ability to be present. The key to navigating this dual challenge isn't "tough love" or control; it's compassionate accountability —a framework built on clear, ki

Imagine a single strand of hair, so light it's almost imperceptible. For most of us, its gentle touch on our skin goes unnoticed. But what if that minuscule weight, that feather-light contact, felt like a searing burn or a crushing pressure? For millions living with chronic pain and certain autoimmune conditions, this isn't a hypothetical nightmare, but a daily reality. This seemingly impossible scenario sheds light on the profound impact of an overactivated autonomic nervous

The words religious abuse  and spiritual abuse  are often used interchangeably, yet both describe a particularly insidious form of mistreatment. It’s an abuse that doesn’t just wound the body or mind, but strikes at the very core of a person’s identity and beliefs. This type of abuse frequently stems from dogmatic, control-oriented religion —a system engineered to dictate not only actions but also thoughts , creating an environment where abuse can flourish unchecked. The Auth

It was five years  after my husband’s multiple myeloma diagnosis. Five years after the stem cell transplant that gave us back our life. Now, every year, we return to the oncology clinic for his re-staging, and every year, the anxiety is the same. It’s a moment of truth, the yearly reckoning. This particular day, we were in the waiting room, anxiously anticipating the bone marrow biopsy . I was trying to lose myself in a book, a shield against the tension that hummed in the ai

It can be baffling and deeply painful when someone we care about starts to withdraw. They might stop answering calls, avoid social gatherings, or seemingly cut themselves off  from people who love them. For those who have experienced trauma , especially complex trauma  (which is repeated or prolonged trauma), this isolation isn't a rejection—it's often a desperate act of self-preservation. The reasons behind this emotional wall are rooted in a deep disruption of their sense o

We often think of manipulation as a sinister, deliberate act – a master puppeteer pulling strings with malicious intent. But what if I told you that many of us, perhaps even most of us, engage in manipulation without even realizing it? We're not talking about calculated deceit, but rather a more subtle, often fear-driven dance that can unintentionally harm our relationships and our own well-being. Our deepest human desires – for connection, security, love, validation, and eve

We all want to feel seen, valued, and accepted—it’s a fundamental human need. But what happens when that healthy desire morphs into a relentless, all-consuming need? When your self-worth hangs precariously on the comments, likes, and opinions of others, you might be caught in the approval trap , where validation has become an addiction. This isn't just about occasionally enjoying a compliment; it’s an excessive need for external affirmation  that dictates your mood, your choi

The body is a complex system, and sometimes, the very mechanisms designed to protect us turn against us. This is the essence of autoimmune conditions , where the immune system mistakenly attacks the body's own healthy tissues. While the exact causes are multifactorial, a growing body of evidence suggests a powerful and often overlooked connection: the role of trauma  and chronic stress . Autoimmunity: A Body Under Attack Autoimmune diseases affect millions, and it's a stark r

The sun-drenched rice fields of Taiwan  are a landscape etched into my earliest memories. Growing up, I watched a yearly ritual unfold right before my eyes: the tireless work of preparing the ground, the careful planting of seeds, the vigilant tending of the young crop, and finally, the bountiful harvest, with grains of rice laid out to dry right on the streets. This cycle of cultivation and renewal  wasn't just agriculture; it was a profound, visceral lesson. Years later, as

The number 81 is etched into my memory, not as a random integer, but as a silent, lifelong companion. It was my designated laundry number  when I moved off to boarding school, a small, practical label that quickly became an unexpected symbol of something much larger. In those first years, the women who managed the dormitory laundry system needed a way to keep track of our clothes. So, every item of my clothing…every sock, shirt, and towel, etc., bore the sharpie mark: #81. Be