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It was five years  after my husband’s multiple myeloma diagnosis. Five years after the stem cell transplant that gave us back our life. Now, every year, we return to the oncology clinic for his re-staging, and every year, the anxiety is the same. It’s a moment of truth, the yearly reckoning. This particular day, we were in the waiting room, anxiously anticipating the bone marrow biopsy . I was trying to lose myself in a book, a shield against the tension that hummed in the ai

It can be baffling and deeply painful when someone we care about starts to withdraw. They might stop answering calls, avoid social gatherings, or seemingly cut themselves off  from people who love them. For those who have experienced trauma , especially complex trauma  (which is repeated or prolonged trauma), this isolation isn't a rejection—it's often a desperate act of self-preservation. The reasons behind this emotional wall are rooted in a deep disruption of their sense o

We often think of manipulation as a sinister, deliberate act – a master puppeteer pulling strings with malicious intent. But what if I told you that many of us, perhaps even most of us, engage in manipulation without even realizing it? We're not talking about calculated deceit, but rather a more subtle, often fear-driven dance that can unintentionally harm our relationships and our own well-being. Our deepest human desires – for connection, security, love, validation, and eve

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. You’re at a party, a work function, or maybe a friend's casual gathering. You meet someone new, you shake hands, and the inevitable question is asked: "So, what do you do?" It’s an innocent, ubiquitous question, yet it’s a tiny example of a huge cultural problem. We are human beings , but we are often forced—by society and by our own internal wiring—to live as human doings . The Cult of Accomplishment Think about how we describe ourselves. It

We all want to feel seen, valued, and accepted—it’s a fundamental human need. But what happens when that healthy desire morphs into a relentless, all-consuming need? When your self-worth hangs precariously on the comments, likes, and opinions of others, you might be caught in the approval trap , where validation has become an addiction. This isn't just about occasionally enjoying a compliment; it’s an excessive need for external affirmation  that dictates your mood, your choi

Life is a constant ebb and flow, a perpetual state of becoming. Yet, so often, we cling to what is familiar, even when it no longer serves our growth. What if we looked to the natural world for a profound lesson in release and regeneration? From the smallest creature to the tallest tree, nature offers a masterclass in shedding what no longer belongs, making space for something stronger, brighter, and more authentic. Think of the snake, gracefully slithering out of its old ski

The body is a complex system, and sometimes, the very mechanisms designed to protect us turn against us. This is the essence of autoimmune conditions , where the immune system mistakenly attacks the body's own healthy tissues. While the exact causes are multifactorial, a growing body of evidence suggests a powerful and often overlooked connection: the role of trauma  and chronic stress . Autoimmunity: A Body Under Attack Autoimmune diseases affect millions, and it's a stark r

The truth, as the saying goes, will set you free. But as many of us know, it’s often easier to build a cozy little prison out of assumptions than to step into the uncomfortable, often harsh light of clarity. In a world that frequently rewards keeping the peace, many of us grew up without a healthy model for conflict. For me, like many others, I was raised with an avoidance of confrontation, which meant I wasn't equipped for it. I had to learn the hard way—through years of per

We all want to be there for the people we care about. When a loved one is struggling, our first instinct is to step in and solve the problem. But there is a crucial, often subtle, difference between helping  someone toward self-sufficiency and enabling  a harmful cycle. Understanding this distinction is key to truly supporting growth, and it requires a deeper look at intentions, outcomes, and the profound danger of a "tough love" approach. The True Meaning of Helping Helping

Religious spaces, for many, are sanctuaries of comfort, community, and moral guidance. Yet, for others, they can become incubators of deep-seated shame, a pervasive and often unspoken burden that can echo through generations. Shame, in this context, isn't just regret for wrongdoing; it's a belief that one is fundamentally flawed, unworthy, or inherently "bad." It’s a feeling that you are not enough, not pure enough, not devoted enough, often stemming from specific teachings a

I don't remember a time before the fear. It's a strange thing to say, but looking back, it feels like the seeds of what I now know as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) were sown incredibly early. I was only four or five, a tiny human in a big world, but the terror of being alone in my room at night was all-consuming. My thoughts would spiral, painting vivid, terrifying scenarios, and I'd lie there, physically shaking, crying, desperately trying to push away the relentless w

The sun-drenched rice fields of Taiwan  are a landscape etched into my earliest memories. Growing up, I watched a yearly ritual unfold right before my eyes: the tireless work of preparing the ground, the careful planting of seeds, the vigilant tending of the young crop, and finally, the bountiful harvest, with grains of rice laid out to dry right on the streets. This cycle of cultivation and renewal  wasn't just agriculture; it was a profound, visceral lesson. Years later, as

The message of Jesus of Nazareth  was, at its core, a message of restoration  and redemption . Restoration —a beautiful, powerful word—is defined as the act of bringing or binding together, or connecting . It speaks to mending what is broken, healing what is wounded, and uniting what has been scattered. Redemption  is the act of being saved from error or evil, a purchase back to a right relationship. Jesus's life and ministry were the living embodiment of these two concepts.

The number 81 is etched into my memory, not as a random integer, but as a silent, lifelong companion. It was my designated laundry number  when I moved off to boarding school, a small, practical label that quickly became an unexpected symbol of something much larger. In those first years, the women who managed the dormitory laundry system needed a way to keep track of our clothes. So, every item of my clothing…every sock, shirt, and towel, etc., bore the sharpie mark: #81. Be

The concept of forgiveness  sits at the very heart of the Christian faith. It's a profound, powerful idea, exemplified by Christ's sacrifice and His teachings. But what does it really mean to forgive, especially when the wounds are deep and the hurt is ongoing? In many church communities, the expectation of forgiveness is often simplified into a two-step process: acknowledging the wrong and immediately moving past it . You are often expected to set aside the pain, embrace the

The words flash on your phone screen: "We need to talk." Maybe it's a boss, a partner, a friend, or a family member. For many people, this phrase inspires a little bit of dread. But for those who have experienced trauma  or live with a significant anxiety disorder , those four words can feel less like a minor inconvenience and more like a full-body system failure. It can trigger a cascade of physical symptoms—a racing heart, stomach dropping, cold sweats, or a sudden, dizzyin

Have you ever had an emotional reaction that felt like a volcano erupting  over what seemed like just a tiny spark? You find yourself feeling overwhelmingly angry, deeply sad, or intensely anxious, and the logical part of your brain is shouting, "Wait, this small situation does not warrant this huge feeling!" If so, you're not alone. That gap between the size of the event and the size of your reaction is often the flashing sign of an emotional trigger . The Dry Cleaner Cataly

In a world that often encourages us to present a polished, perfect facade, it’s easy to feel utterly alone in our struggles. We scroll past curated images of success and happiness, making us feel like an outlier, the only one wrestling with the messy reality of life. But what if the very act of struggling is actually the most profound bridge  to true human connection? What if a sacred space  isn’t found only in a cathedral or on a mountaintop, but right here, in the vulnerabl

Life has a way of throwing curveballs—sometimes they’re just unexpected, and sometimes, they feel like catastrophic meteor strikes. These are the moments that stop us in our tracks: the sudden job loss, the shocking diagnosis, the natural disaster. They are moments of trauma, of deep disruption where we have no control  over the event itself. It’s human nature to look back at these awful events and try to find a silver lining. But what if the "silver lining" isn't some grand

My 29th birthday arrived in December 2001, right after the world had irrevocably changed. My husband and I were visiting my brother in Marrakesh, Morocco , and as a special gift—a combined effort from my brother and husband—I was given a spa package at a beautiful local retreat. The timing felt significant: I was newly pregnant  with my first child, a little off-balance, and still navigating a world that felt scary and uncertain right after 9/11. I desperately needed a dose o