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We often treat "people pleasing" as a personality quirk or a virtue—a sign that someone is just really kind, generous, or easygoing. But if we look under the hood, chronic people pleasing is rarely about altruism. It isn’t just about making others happy. At its core, people pleasing is an addiction to external validation . It is a frantic attempt to fill an internal void because the internal compass—the part of you that knows who you are and what you need—has been silenced. I

When you have experienced complex trauma (C-PTSD), your brain becomes a master at detecting threats. It is a brilliant, biological survival mechanism. To survive the chaos of the past, we often had to categorize people quickly: Safe or Unsafe? Friend or Enemy? Good or Bad? In the midst of trauma, this black-and-white thinking is a shield. It keeps us alive. But when we are trying to move from surviving to thriving, that same shield becomes a cage. One of the hardest truths to

As the calendar flips toward winter, the days shrink. The vibrant colors of autumn fade into grey skies, and the sun seems to clock out before you’ve even finished your workday. For many people, this shift brings a mild case of the "winter blues"—a feeling of lethargy and a desire to stay under the covers a little longer. But for millions of others, the changing of the seasons triggers something far more profound and debilitating. It’s not just a preference for summer; it is

Subtitle:  For many survivors of trauma, dysfunction, and chronic stress, tranquility doesn't feel restorative—it feels terrifying. Here is why we subconsciously sabotage the calm to return to the familiar turbulence of chaos. Imagine finally achieving a moment you’ve longed for. The bills are paid, your relationship is stable, the house is quiet, and there is no immediate crisis demanding your attention. You should feel relaxed. You should feel happy. Instead, you feel a vib

We all have moments where we get lost in thought. Maybe you’re replaying a conversation from yesterday, or perhaps you’re weighing the pros and cons of a big life decision. Thinking is a necessary tool for problem-solving. But there is a distinct line between thinking and overthinking. When thinking stops being a tool for clarity and starts becoming a source of distress, we have entered the realm of overthinking. It is the exhausting loop of "what ifs" and "should haves" that

When we talk about attachment, we often think of it as a binary switch: a child is either attached, or they aren't. We tend to associate it with infants—holding a baby so they feel safe. While that is the foundation, developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld argues that attachment is far more complex and dynamic. It is not just about physical proximity; it is the womb of psychological maturation. Dr. Neufeld’s model suggests that children do not just "grow up" because tim

When we hear the word "abandonment," we often picture a dramatic scene: a suitcase packed by the door, a child left alone in a crowd, or a parent walking out and never returning. These are visceral examples of physical leaving. But there is another form of abandonment that is quieter, more insidious, and often harder to heal from because it leaves no physical evidence. It happens when the body stays, but the connection leaves. Understanding the difference between physical and

Why do I suddenly feel enraged, terrified, or worthless over something small? Am I bipolar? Am I crazy? The Short Answer: If you have a history of Complex Trauma (CPTSD), you likely aren't having a mood swing; you are having an Emotional Flashback . Unlike a standard PTSD flashback (where you see the trauma), an emotional flashback is a sudden regression to the feeling states of your childhood—fear, shame, or helplessness—without the visual memory attached. You aren't "overre

If you are reading this, chances are your heart is breaking. Loving someone struggling with addiction is a unique kind of torture. It is a relentless pendulum swing between hope and devastation, compassion and fury, desperately wanting to save them and desperately needing to save yourself. You watch the person you know—the funny, smart, kind person they truly are—slowly disappear behind the shadow of their addiction. You want to help. It’s a natural human instinct when someon