All Posts

In a world saturated with highlight reels and carefully curated successes, the pressure to be perfect is more insidious than ever. From social media to the boardroom, we're bombarded with the message that anything less than flawless is a failure. "Get it right the first time." "Don't make mistakes." "Be the best." These mantras, while seemingly innocuous, often fuel a dangerous beast: perfectionism. Perfectionism isn't just about striving for excellence; it's a relentless, of

I recently heard a Christian comedian  share a joke that really stopped me in my tracks. They talked about seeing a homeless man wearing a pair of Hoka tennis shoes —you know, those super expensive, cushiony ones—and the immediate, almost involuntary thought that popped into their head was, "Well, he must not be that bad off, then." That joke is so telling because it exposes one of the biggest, most awkward flaws we all have: We make massive, life-altering assumptions about p

This is not a post to shame anyone who finds comfort, community, or meaning within the walls of a church. If your faith tradition nurtures your spirit and empowers you to be a kinder human, I genuinely celebrate that. This is simply my story—a story of courage, clarity, and the freedom  my husband, my two boys, and I found when we finally walked away from the modern institutional church. We didn't leave because we lost our faith. We left because the institution itself began t

We all stand on a trapeze. It might be the comfortable familiarity of our current job, the security of a long-held belief, or the well-worn path of our daily routine. This first trapeze feels safe, predictable, and within our grasp. But across the vast, open space, another trapeze swings, beckoning us. It represents a new goal, a desired transformation, a more fulfilling version of ourselves. And to reach it, we must do the unthinkable: let go. The gap between the two trapeze

There are people in our lives who act as anchors, steady points of light that guide us through our storms. They are the ones who offer a brand of unconditional love  so pure it feels like a physical gift. For me, that person was my grandmother, my beloved Mimi . She was more than just a grandmother; she was like a second mother, an essential piece of my foundation. Mimi was a child of the Depression, and the lessons of those lean years shaped her into one of the most generous

Trauma fundamentally changes our architecture. It convinces us that the world is a dangerous place, and our only hope is to become impenetrable. So, we build a wall—a towering, silent fortress of protection, avoidance, and emotional distance . This wall, built rock by painful rock, seems necessary. It guards the fragile, hurt person inside. But over time, it becomes less a sanctuary and more a prison, keeping out not just pain, but also connection, intimacy, and the beautiful

It’s a phrase almost every child has heard: "Now, be on your best behavior!" Uttered by parents, grandparents, teachers, or even in religious settings, it’s usually delivered with the best of intentions. The adult wants the child to be polite, respectful, and cooperative, especially in certain settings. But what if this seemingly innocuous directive, repeated over years, subtly instills a deep-seated anxiety and a feeling of constant scrutiny in young minds? The Constant Spot

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship—a friendship, a romantic partnership, even a casual work connection—where you are consistently feeling a strong negative emotion? Maybe you’re constantly irritated  by their unreliability, perpetually frustrated  by their lack of motivation, or carrying a heavy burden of resentment  toward them. It's natural to immediately point the finger. "If only they would change," we think, "then I would be happy/calm/less angry." But what i

We talk a lot about the universe's great mysteries: black holes, unexplored galaxies and of course, dark matter . This invisible, undetectable substance makes up about 27% of the universe, yet we only know it exists because of its profound gravitational pull on everything we can see. It’s the silent, unseen architect of galaxies, stars, and cosmic structures. But what if I told you that, in a profound way, you are your own dark matter? Think about it. We navigate our daily li

We all have aspirations. Dreams of who we want to be, what we want to achieve, and the kind of life we want to live. But the path to these dreams isn't always paved with ease and comfort. In fact, it's often quite the opposite. It's on this challenging journey that a powerful challenge emerges: "Do the thing you don’t want to do, until you can be the person you do want to be." This isn't just a catchy phrase; it's a blueprint for growth. It speaks to the uncomfortable reality

If you live with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) , you know the feeling: an emotion—be it a wave of shame, a flash of anger, or a terrifying spike of fear—hits you like a tidal wave. It can feel impossible to stop the automatic reaction, and before you know it, you're swept into an action you later regret. The great news is that you don't have to be a victim of your emotional mind. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)  offers practical, life-changing skills designed to he

Have you ever felt like you woke up in a world of pure opposites? One day, a friend is your soulmate; the next, they are your enemy. One hour, your job is the best thing that ever happened to you; the next, it's a toxic trap you must escape. This intense, unstable cycling between extremes is known as splitting , a key feature and powerful defense mechanism often observed in individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The Black-and-White World of Splitting Splittin

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a loop of negative self-talk? "I'm such an idiot." "I'm a failure." "No one really likes me." For many, these aren't just fleeting thoughts, but deeply ingrained narratives that shape their entire perception of themselves and the world around them. The truth is, your truth is often what you keep telling yourself. Our minds are incredibly powerful storytellers, and the stories we tell ourselves, repeatedly, become our reality. This is part

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized mental health conditions. It's characterized by a pervasive pattern of instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior, often leading to intense emotional pain for the individual and their loved ones. If you or someone you care about is navigating BPD, understanding the condition is the first crucial step toward healing and support. How BPD Begins: A Biosocial Pe

It's a cliché, an easy out that sounds sad but inevitable. It suggests that the true measure of a successful relationship is two people marching in lockstep, growing at the exact same pace, in the exact same direction. But what if this idea of growing together is actually an unhealthy expectation? What if the most successful, most passionate, and most enduring relationships are built not on forced conformity, but on the radical choice to be together, precisely because you've

You’ve likely heard the term “triggered” used casually—to describe being mildly annoyed, offended, or simply feeling a strong emotion about something. In the age of social media, it’s become a universal shorthand for emotional distress. But as a mental health professional, I want to clarify something important: a trauma trigger is much more than just being upset. It’s a specific, powerful psychological and physiological response rooted in a person’s history of trauma. Underst

As a mental health therapist, I often work with individuals on their journey of healing from trauma. One of the most powerful and transformative steps in this process is learning to set healthy boundaries. Trauma can often blur the lines of our personal space, making it difficult to recognize and assert our needs. But here’s the good news: reclaiming your boundaries is a vital act of self-love and a cornerstone of lasting recovery. Imagine a fence around your home. It’s there

Have you ever felt like your internal emotional world is stuck in the frantic, out-of-control spin cycle of a washing machine? That feeling of being violently agitated, dizzy, and completely at the mercy of forces you can’t stop—that’s often what emotional dysregulation feels like. Emotional dysregulation is the difficulty in managing the intensity and duration of your emotional responses. Instead of smoothly moving through a range of feelings, you get stuck in high gear. But

In today’s digital landscape, the term “trauma bond” is frequently tossed around to describe any deep connection formed over shared hardship. Maybe you’ve heard friends say they “trauma bonded” over a tough work project or a messy breakup. While bonding over shared negative experiences is real and can create strong connections, it’s crucial to understand that a true trauma bond is fundamentally different—and significantly more dangerous. A trauma bond is not just about sharin

Growing up in Taiwan , I didn't have much exposure to what we’d consider typical American food . Most of the dishes that hinted at a Western palate were lovingly prepared at home. Yet, in the bubble of my international school, one day stood out above all others: Hot Dog Wednesday . It wasn't just any school lunch; it was an event. The wonderful Chinese woman who lived on the property didn't just serve food—she crafted it. I remember the smell of her homemade hot dog buns  waf